Burb Beauty | For the love of Levis, please stop ruining denim
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For the love of Levis, please stop ruining denim

How hard is it to find a good pair of jeans these days — with, say, fully-covered seats, and two complete pant legs? The answer: very. And it seems only to be getting harder.

Good ol’ denim has gone on a wild ride of exploration over the past year. The most recently conquered frontier? The“half jean,” which Ryan Destiny, an actress on Fox’s “Star,” catapulted into the spotlight via a Coachella Instagram post.

Reviews were split.

“When you can’t figure out if it hot or cold outside,” said one Instagram user of the trend.

“This is tight, this is different. I’m for it,” said another.

Wherever you stand on the trend, it’s decidedly not an everyday look. (And isn’t that kind of the point of jeans?)

This denim development arrives right behind Vetements’ collaboration with Levis — aka the butt jeans.

Sexual liberation is great and all, but this multi-zippered situation would fit in better at a Chelsea bondage shop than on high-end, shiny e-commerce stores like Net-a-Porter — which, by the way, are asking a modest $1,715 for them.

And the saga of perverse denim doesn’t stop there, either. Back in March we thought Topshop’s plastic mom jeans might be the worst pair ever created.

Though they’ve got a run for their money now, they’re still the sartorial equivalent of your thighs sticking to damp subway seats on a hot NYC summer day. (On the subject, imagine your morning commute in these—pressed against a stranger with condensation-fogged panels clinging to your knee caps. Sexy.)

Finally, how could we forget the $975 inside-out jean? The pocket’s exterior (interior?) reads: “To create something new, you must first destroy.”

If this is what new looks like, please, let’s go back to old.

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